A Chris-in-the-morning inspired blog. Somewhere I can hypothesis on human nature and narrate my own journey of self discovery. That sounds so cheesy! Basically somewhere that I can just spill out the contents of my head.

 
Just did something I wish I hadn't. Looked at my friends page on my lj. Saw a post from Nat. It's about the whole Iggy thing. Maybe I'm really bad at showing how I feel. Nat went on a rant about how I did it in a really insensitive way, and how we all made the decision together to have him and how she should have known I'd go on a paranoid rant. And how if she a uni dropout could asses the risks in a minute yet scientist me couldn't.
Yes it could have been approached better, but as she said she knows me. I'm not good at confrontation. I try to avoid it at all costs. I've thought so many times since then how else could I have done it. So many possibilities came up now, but at the time that was the only situation I felt I could handle it in. Well if she should have known I'd go on a paranoid rant, I certainly didn't. At the begining the thought of having a cat was so lovely and it made Nat seem so happy and Iggy was born well before we got this flat. Maybe I should have kept on looking for another flat, but all the ones I'd already seen were no pets anyway. At this point I didn't realise it was optional for Nat to have Iggy, I thought it was pretty much set in stone. It was so easy to sign the papers that said 'no pets' all the way back then when we were just happy and relieved to have somewhere to live. We had all these plans like when the landlord gives us notice we'll take him to Lukes for a day or so. But when the landlord does turn up and the reality of the consequences is face to face with you it's a whole other matter. She said that she figured Erin and I had got together and talked about the situation and that we had decided the landlord had seen Iggy and was waiting for an evil moment to say 'you've got a cat' and kick us out. Not true. As it stands I'm worried that he did see Iggy, but I think maybe if he did, he either decided to give us a chance to get rid of him or he decided to let us off. Maybe it's his son that's against cats. I personally do't think that he did see Iggy, he was old and Iggy might have been fairly camoflagued by the lino. All the same it's not whether he already saw Iggy or not that worried me. It's if he sees him _again_.
When she first reacted as she did I was angry. Although I felt ashamed of being angry at someone whom I'd just told had to give up -effectively- her baby. But she must have seen it coming. She must have known after the events of the past week that we'd have to make this decision. The girl that turned up at the door earlier that day even said she'd had to give up her kitten. Was that not enough of a sign.
Anyway I feel even worse going on this rant now because Nat lost her job today. Great huh. She might have cancer I made her give up Iggy AND she lost her job. All we need now is for Luke to cheat on her or something to finish her off.
She's been quite civil ove rhte last couple of days but I can't help but feel foreboding in the air. All in all I believe I made the right decision. We made a mistake and now we have to right it. Mostly Nat is getting punished but Erin is fairly too. Myself, I tried to distance myself from Iggy the week leading up to it so I don't feel like I'm suffering so much.
I guess I am angry at her too for putting it in her diary where I was quite likely to read it. Or maybe that was her intention. Wish I'd been as lax in reading peoples lj's as I usually am. At least I have the courtesy to write this where's she's (hopefully) not going to find it. It's not so much that she put it where I could read it but where she knows other people will read it.

Love you Grandpa, I miss you
posted by Megan at 8:55 PM