A Chris-in-the-morning inspired blog. Somewhere I can hypothesis on human nature and narrate my own journey of self discovery. That sounds so cheesy! Basically somewhere that I can just spill out the contents of my head.

 
Well it's been a long and productive although stressful 2 weeks. 9-5 lectures for2 days then a statistics assignment that I didn't really understand. damn cockles, I think I now dislike them as much as helice crassa and lupins.
I've been using the work as an excuse not to think about Matt. It works two ways when I think about Matt I can't work very well. So it's was a necessary action.
But now that things are starting to wind down ( a little) he's coming to mind more often again. I keep hearing Feelers songs, and every one reminds me of him now. I think the frustration is on it's way back. I don't know whether to give up on him altogether or curse him for not contacting me. Possibly him not contacting me is a good reason to give up on him anyway.
I wonder at my actions at the concert too. Why did I go to so much effort to llook good. If he's going tobe that hung up on looks is he really the guy I want anyway. Yeah I think he is. I'm afraid I've been transfering some of my limerent feelings for Matt onto other objects Josh Holm being one of them. On the upside I'm getting into Dom more now. The most worring of my proxy subjects is a guy from class. I guess in the absence of any physical contact I'm transferring them to ** because he reminds me of Mark. A proven limerent subject of mine albeit in the past. But that's the problem I know that that's not what I want. Another Mark. It didn't work then and I know it won't in the future. What I want is Matt.
I really want to see him in pereson again so I can judge things. I know agin. But the setting wasn't the best. If only we'd got some time to ourselves that night it might have been sorted. Damn Mark and Ivan. If only he'd come over. That last look that night really had a suggestion that he would try to visit that weekend. Hmph.
See that's another sign that I should give up. If there really had been something between us that night he would have made the effort to sort it out in person.
I didn't imagine it and how could he have interpretted it any other way. Oh Matt!!!!!!!
posted by Megan at 5:48 PM