A Chris-in-the-morning inspired blog. Somewhere I can hypothesis on human nature and narrate my own journey of self discovery. That sounds so cheesy! Basically somewhere that I can just spill out the contents of my head.

 
They say it is better to have loved and lost then not to have loved at all. I guess in the long run that's true. But for a while after the event it doesn't feel that way. It's been a couple of months since the event in my case but I managed to completely ignore my emotions for that time. I either buried myself in work, good old distraction. Or I switched my brain off. Concentrated on mindless things like computer games or tv, another type of distraction but one that can have detrimental effects on your mental capacities. It's a bit like a drug, switching off. Once you get used to it, then you try to use your brain again you find yourself finding reasons to switch off again.
Is it a physiological thing? Your body becomes used to the path of least resistance and doesn't want to expend that extra energy. Or is it an escapism thing? Trying to hide from reality in a calm safe little world in your head.
I've stopped trying to avoiding thinking about Matt. I've started listening to the Feelers music again. I've let it sink into my brain. I figured I can't coast my way through the rotting maggoty flesh stage in a haze. I can't go straight to go, straigh to the clean white bones of the situation. I have to face up to it and deal with how I feel. I've been on a bit of an emotional seesaw the last couple of days.
Thanks goodness for that friend you can just talk to, who listens. Who knows what you're going through. Thanks George. Now that I've switched my brain back on again I'm starting to realise even more just how much George means to me. I feel like he might be a friend for life. We've been through it together and come out on the otherside.

posted by Megan at 7:11 PM