A Chris-in-the-morning inspired blog. Somewhere I can hypothesis on human nature and narrate my own journey of self discovery. That sounds so cheesy! Basically somewhere that I can just spill out the contents of my head.

 
Matthew William Paul effing Power!
Why are you doing this to me!?!?!?!?!! Why?!!!
I didn't know that I could be so far up one day and soooo far down the next.
Seriously. I don't think I've ever been higher than I was at 4 on saturday morning. I think I may have been lower than this before but I couldn't put a name to the time.
What's going through my head?
-Has he changed his mind?
-Was he really drunk and forgot?
-Did he get mugged on the way back?
-Did he turn up and no one answered the door 'cause no one heard?
-Does he think I'm crazy?

God! Why?
Maybe I am as low as I can get. I can see all that happened, feel it. The sitting on his lap. His arm around me as we walked back. Those awful long, stretching silences. The kissing, feeling his hands on my waist.
Everything was going so perfectly. He made me feel like no on else ever has. His hands on my waist, were just gentle enough, the hug. I couldn't stop giggling. It wasn't anything like that with Mark or Cloud. I was walking on air on Saturday. Even through the study group. And now I don't know what to think, what's going on, anything.
It was all going just like I imagined.
I feel like I've had one of those dreams they show in movies and on tv where everything goes beatifullyuntil the dreamer wakes up and they find out that so and so died instead of being saved etc..
I just really feel like I had the most perfect thing in my hands and it was ripped from me.
I really hope he has a good excuse. Because whatever it is I'm going to forgive him anyway, but... oh I don't know.

posted by Megan at 3:14 AM