A Chris-in-the-morning inspired blog. Somewhere I can hypothesis on human nature and narrate my own journey of self discovery. That sounds so cheesy! Basically somewhere that I can just spill out the contents of my head.

 
Almost 2 months since my last post here. What can I say about that time. Not much I spent most of it watching tv lying in bed using anemia as an excuse not to work. Well that turned around and bit me on the arse. And rightly so. I don't know what happened to me. As best I can guess I burnt out. My head wasn't in a very good state, I don't know exactly why. Sometimes I just couldn't get up. I'd sit in bed and think 'I should go into the lab today, or at least try to do some writing or reading or something.' And I wouldn't be able to move I'd just sit there for a couple of minutes until my eye landed on the tv and I"d think, 'I just need to watch a couple of minutes of tv to relax then I'll be fine.' A couple of hours later.. I kept justifying it by saying 'It's almost lunch I should eat something then go in.' 1 would pass, then 2 etc.
Anyway, being that this blog is supposed to be a accurate portrayl of what happens in my life, (I guess that's why I've left all that stuff with Matt and Goerge in instead of deleting it and running away from this that give me bad feelings) I'm going to tell what's happened this week.
Craig gave me a good talking to on Tuesday about how useless I've been. He was right though, at least recently, I hadn't been going in I hadn't been giving him what he asked for. I havdn't got much done since I got back. On the other hand he wasn't doing it to put me down. He said a couple of times that it wasn't a reflection on me as a person. Just my work ethic. So he said he wanted a report on my project up to now by friday. Tomorrow.
So I've been feeling like crap for the last few days and working to get this done. Not so easy. I've got a lot of data organising to go. But I'll get there. I've also got a lot of reading.
And tonight It's just got too much. I used to be able to cope with more stress than this. I'm sitting here and I can't stop crying and I keep missing people. I really want to see Katie and Darren and Diane right now. And Laura and Tilly and Jules. What would I do without those two? And Nana I haven't seen her for 2 1/2 months and then it was only very briefly between me getting back and her leaving. And the boys, Mark, Matt and Todd. I even keep seeing people that I think are Ivan. And Cloud, I keep thinking about Cloud and wanting to give him a hug. I guess because whenever I used to get stressed I would go to him and everything would seem to melt away. We'd talk about whatever and I'd feel better. And Ajay, I haven't seen him for ages the last 3 times I've gone to BK hoping to see him he hasn't been there. I hope he's still around.
Anyway I kind of decided to write this all down to get it out of my system so I could write this report bit. I think It's worked.
posted by Megan at 2:12 AM