A Chris-in-the-morning inspired blog. Somewhere I can hypothesis on human nature and narrate my own journey of self discovery. That sounds so cheesy! Basically somewhere that I can just spill out the contents of my head.

 
I had the weirdest dream last night. But at least I could remember it for a change. So I was in Iraq apparently. My mother was there and Rochelle was there for a part of it and possibly my grandmother too. Maybe even Julie. So it began with me and Julie? walking with some Iraqi soldier people down a road. But there was lots of trees and grass and their was a big drainage ditch we were walking beside, filled with scummy water. Somehow as you do in dreams I knew that the guys we were with were the good guys. They were in the Iraqi Freedom Fighters. That name is so cliched it must have come from some movie or another. Then there was just us (being me and julie/rochelle) and one soldier guy. We went through a fence into a bunch of trees and bushes on the edge of a field. We knew we had to get to a compound at one end of the field but there were bad guys out there somewhere. So the Iraqi guy is holding my hand and I'm holding the other persons. All of a sudden the soldier gets up and runs dragging us along with him. After about 30 seconds of running we stop and crouch down in the grass. I guess so as not to present ourselves as a target to whoever we're hiding from. We do this a few times until we reach the compound. Once we're inside the - flimsy looking - chain-link type fence we stop running and hiding and just walk. We can see some other people on the other side carrying guns. The Iraqi guy says to me don't worry they'll follow us but they won't shoot. They're the guys we're hiding from. So here we are now standing in plain view but they don't shoot at us. In my head I know that this is true and that although these people are on the opposite side there's no 'real' bad feeling betweenn them. It's like being on opposite political parties except more physical. I guess if they'd caught us we'd have been in trouble. And of course they don't even look Iraqi. They're all quite young too. I say to the soldier guy 'They're all tennageers' or something similar. They look American if anything, there's one girl I can remember in particular. She is a bit largeish and has that generic blond hair that hangs down past her shoulder's she's wearing a red t shirt and pants. They wander up near the fence then carry on wandering back into the field.
Next thing we're inside in a room. It's pretty plain. This is where it gets weirder. The Iraqi soldier starts massaging the back of my neck. He's really good too. I think he might have said something along the lines of me being tense.
Then we're in a living room type room and Rochelle is there. She's sitting on a chair and the Iraqi guy and I are sitting on a couch. He puts his arms around me. Then he's kissing me. ANd I know how stupid this sounds but I really liked him. It was like I knew he liked me and he knew I liked him. But Rochelle was still in the room. She put head phones on and just ignored us.
Then I was talking with him asking if he was permanently stationed here or if he got moved around. I think he said he got moved pretty regularly, that was how things were run. Then we were getting ready for dinner, my mother and Grandmother were at a table already with one or two other iraqi people. Somehow I knew we were on a trip of some sort. Like we were going to be taken around parts of Iraq on a tourist type tour of something.
Then I don't know if it was just my wishful thinking but my soldier guy might have said something about being stationed to guide us. Woot. Oh yeah and he kind of looked like Naveen Andrews (surprise surprise) but his face was thinner. It wasn't quite him but similar.
There we go that's it. So I'm now in one of those stupid dream modes where all I can see is this soldier. He looked good in his uniform too. And he made me feel all safe when he had his strong arms around me.
posted by Megan at 2:13 PM

 
Oh big bad words! So I've just been reading up about the church of Latter day Saints, and while they have much in common with Christianity in general there are some issues that don't sit well with me. a) they believe that they are the only true church. God came down and told Joseph Smith in 1820 that none of the current churches of the world were right and that he would bring about the true church. This smacks of arrogance and superiority to me. I don't think the other denominations really try to say they're right. I guess maybe Catholic. But these days people are generally more accepting of other religions. I guess individuals within the LDS church would be on the whole. Maybe.
b) Missionary work. Converting other people. This has never fit into my 'do unto others' principle. You wouldn't like it if Hindu's were knocking on your door telling you all you believe is wrong would you. Let people find their faith themselves.
c) The church is very involving. Education within the church, tithing!, etc. It's good to have involvement in something it just seems a bit all consuming. I guess it might be different in this day and age though.
d) There's a bit that says Joseph Smith spoke against morally bad things like gambling alcohol tea coffee. Okay gambling sure enough, alcohol I can see where that'd come from but tea and coffee?

So what does all of this lead to? Jeremy is a good Mormon. He doesn't drink, he went to church when we were away etc etc and so on and so forth. Therefore there's no chance for me with him. I couldn't be mormon (although they do have a lot of good about them despite what I've said above. Promotion of good morals like being nice to everyone helping people etc is just great!), and I don't think he couldn't.
So where does that leave me on the male front?
Tom - Nope a)he's not interested
b) he's leaving the country soonish
c) when he's drunk he reminds me of dad.
Matt - Maybe. He's annoying at times I'm not sure we have heaps in common. We definitly have a similar sense of humour though. And we get along well. Maybe it's just supposed to be a good friends thing. I'm not sure that I can see anything happening between us.
David - He'd be great if he wasn't with Angela. He's artistic, which is dead sexy, but not so much that I feel completely wooden in comparisson. He's smart, good looking but not perfect (although maybe a little too good looking for me. A bit out of my league). He's quite scientificish too. Computery anyway. Got similar religiuos ideas to me - very similar. Which could be a huge advantaged as evidenced by above.
Jimmy - Nope
Jeremy - Lovely but Mormon. Argh! Funny, nice, good looking smart, has great plans for his life - teaching but now I think about it maybe he'll teach within the church. Do LDS have their own schools? I know Seventh day adventists do- similar interests. Grrr.
Where else can I look? Maybe Lianne knows some guys, maybe David has some friends. maybe I'll meet someone when I get a job. Maybe I'll have no-one until I go overseas.
Great now 'Time after Time' is playing on my mp3 player and I'm getting all mopy and sad. I want someone who'll be there for me when I'm lost, who'll catch me if I fall, I'll look and I will find them. *sigh*
Man I'm a sad bitch sometimes!
posted by Megan at 6:14 PM

 
So I had the greatest weekend in Whangarei. And I don't know if was the talk of relarionship's and marriage in the car on the way back but I've got the ache. You know the one where all you want is someone to hold and have fun with and to understand/support you. That ache that's always there in the background.
I looked at my life recently trying to figure out what possibilities there were available to me of the male persuasion. The lab, aka Tom which is not going to happen. He's not my type. Nice but just not. That leaves Taiko Matt, David and Jeremy. Matt annoys the crap out of me half the time and although we seem to have things in common and I get along with him most of the time I think maybe he'd just be great to have as a friend and joke around with. David, I was warming to him getting to know a bit more about him and liking it. But apparently he's seeing someone just recently. So no go there unless Angela doesn't work out and somehow he becomes interested in me. Then there's Jeremy. So I've had this thing for him basically since I joined the advanced group, and as I get to know him more I like him more. We're quite alike (He's a virgo too), he's funny, he lovely. But then he's mormon. I know Natalie told me that Nat from Auckland's last girlfriend was mormon, so if a mormon girl can date a raging atheistic goth then surely...
I guess it depends on the individual and their family.
So I have not been letting myself get too interested in him, but now I think I slipped off the edge. Now I'm falling for him.
posted by Megan at 2:57 PM