A Chris-in-the-morning inspired blog. Somewhere I can hypothesis on human nature and narrate my own journey of self discovery. That sounds so cheesy! Basically somewhere that I can just spill out the contents of my head.

 
5 months today. That's how long Dave and I have been together. And hasn't it all gone very quickly. If you told me 5 months ago that I'd be with a great guy and thinking about moving in together... well I'd probably shake you by the collar and yell 'now! I want it now!'
But anyway, I knew from the begining that we'd clicked. Things moved quite quickly into a comfortable sort of place. Since our first week together we've spent most evenings together. We still do. I thought we might have cooled off a bit by now. But no I still love his company and apparently he mine. Even though everything went so quickly it just seemed right.
We went up to the gardens 2 nights ago so we could see the comet and we were chatting away about various things. He was talking about how his English friends complain about NZ being too far away to visit him. But that one friend had promised he'd come down for David's wedding. Then he says 'Will you marry me?'
Well I actually couln't say anything. What went through my head? 'He's joking he must be.' 'But he didn't really sound like he was joking' 'He could be serious' 'But he could be joking what with the dry humour and all'
Then after about 20 seconds of silience he says 'I shouldn't joke about things like that.' But I'm not entirely sure he was joking. Anyways, life oes on. We're taking the moving in together thing slowly. I'm looking for a place by myself. But once I get a new job and we know what my finances will be and how much we can afford we're going to start looking. Eee!
posted by Megan at 6:36 PM

 
Apparently David had to apologise to his boss and I was because of me! Well he didn't have to but he felt he should give a reason for his lack of productivity lately. The thought that I could provoke such a response in a guy that his work suffers is a little beyond me. He really is quite amazing. His brains and humour faultless. And he's affectionate. In public. Arms around each other holding hands. We spent a large part of this evening (at the pub quiz) holding hands and he kept stroking the back of my hand with the back of his fingers. It's just such an intame feeling. What has this (I'm not sure I can really call him a boy) guy done to me! I con't stop kissing him. I want to spend all my time with him and although I'm not going to say it out loud I definitly find myself thinking _quite_ often 'I love him'.
posted by Megan at 3:53 AM

 
He's really crazy about me! As I am about him. But I'm still in disbelief that he feels for me like he does. He wants me to go with him to Napier for Labour Weekend. Although it seems that I'm going to be working 2 days of the 3 day weekend. No!
Also I told him that I was really falling for him and he didn't run away! In fact he said 'I'm in a similar boat myself'
This is really serious. I mean _really_ serious. I know we've only been together for a week but he could be the one, he really could.
posted by Megan at 3:14 AM

 
It's all official. I have a boyfriend. One that I really really like. He's, well he's just great. I should be able to think of something more eloquent but my mind is kind of blank after this evenings' exertions - and I don't mean the quiz. Although I'm beginning to think it was all an elaborate plan on the part of Lianne to keep me in Hamilton for as long as possible. In any case I don't begrudge her it if it is.
To be honest, when you look down my list of ideal guy type criteria he does fill quite a few.
Kiwi - so will want to live here.
British accent - so is very hot.
Nice body but not too nice
Glasses
Smart
Nice
A bit shyish
likeable
Friendly

But there's more there than just the criteria. There's something. Something that lets me be completely comfortable around him and so nervous I freeze up sometimes when those awkward moments come along. But not freeze up in a bad way. The lack of nervousness when were together most of the time had me wondering whether or not this was just one of those nicest-of-the-currently-available-guys-I-have-contact-with things. But no, there's more. So much more.
posted by Megan at 5:05 AM

 
I have decided that I absolutely have to document a part of yesterday. It was sunday, Lianne had invited me to go for a walk with the to the Kauri grove in the Hakarimatas (just across the river from Taupiri hill, we could see where Dame Te Ata was buried from the top). Andrew Dirk and David also came. Dirk as part of his get ift for Canada regime went up the direct route to the top and was going to meet us part way down as we went up past the Kauri. We saw the 600 year old Kauri and carried on to a lookout type area at the younger Kauri trees. It looked out over a bushclad valley in a roughly sou'easterly direction. Absolutely lovely. No sign of civilisation, just a beautiful view of tree canopy, and the sound of birds in the air. Then Lianne realised she'd dropped her glasses somewhere further back on the path. Andrew offered to go back and have a look for them and Lianne went with him. It did occur to me at the time that this move might have been orchestrated or planned as it left me alone with David - for the first time since our first kiss. A couple of awkward minutes later and we were in a romantic scene from a movie. Kissing against the backdrop of the untouched wilderness. We were happy doing that for a while then I think we both got a little worried that Andrew and Lianne might have found the glasses and be on their way back. So we decided to carry on up in search of Dirk and the water - we were both rather thirsty at this stage. We'd barely gone a dozen steps uphill when we saw him heading in our direction.
I think I can honestly say that that was the best kiss I've ever had in the best setting by far.
posted by Megan at 6:24 PM

 
La! Isn't life wonderful! I've got me a really great guy! I can't quite believe it. Kissing wise we're both a bit out of practice apparently but Dacid suggested that we could do something about that. Huzzah!
posted by Megan at 5:43 AM

 
I have a date tomorrow effectually although unofficially. So David and I have been orgaising for me to go over to his place to show him CloneDVD and to watch some Spaced. Tomorrow night about 7 he's making pasta. Eeeeee!
posted by Megan at 3:15 AM

 
Eeeeee!
I feel like such a teenage girl. Lianne sked me in an email if it might be possible if I 'like' David. I replied saying that I did yes but I wasn't sure if it was a welcome sentiment. Her reply was this
OH MY GOD!

OF COURSE he likes you!

And in reference to my question of who them 'all' who were talking about it.

Us "all" is our pub quiz team - Carmen and Corey and Kate and Glen and Dirk
and David and I. We weren't like totally gossiping but we have all been
friends for a while and would like to see David with someone nice like you -
even Andrew thinks you'd be a good match.

They think we'd be a good match! Always good news because Dirk and Lianne know him really well. ANd that they think I'm nice. ^_^
I'm going to be bouncing around all day now.

posted by Megan at 2:42 PM

 
Oh boy what is it this time I hear myself saying at some point in the future when I look back over these posts. What lovelorn teenage girl thing is going on now? Well I have a crush. So I'll start at the beginning.
I've become quite good friends with Lianne. After she and Dirk found out that I was into Firefly at Mike's Midwinter Christmas thing I think we both realised we have more in common than we thought. I saw Lianne and Dirk at Jimmy's EP release gig and Lianne pointed out to me that the two Davids were single (being David Hamilton-who although nice and quite hot isn't my type, and David Scott- Who I didn't know at that stage and I didn't get the chance to talk to that night). After the workshop the next day when Michelle came down , she, David Hamilton and myself went back to Liannes. I was much fun and I'd mentioned to Lianne that I wanted to go see a Britich comedy movie I'd heard good things about that had actors from Spaced (which she'd told me about). She suggested that we go on the Sunday. So we did and David Hamilton came along too. Then the next weekend Lianne was having a DVD night originally to shew Andrew (from taiko) that Firefly wasn't too geeky. But it turned into a British comedy night with Look Around You, Spaced, Green Wing, Monkey Dust and Eddie Izzard. We ended up staying until the next afternoon. Then because there was so much to watch we had to carry it on the next weekend. I ended up leaving Liannes at about 7pm Sunday. ANyways, during all this time there were 2 single guys. Andrew - who plays in the Hollow Grinders and David - who has a british accent [melts]. There were some moments I believe, between Andrew and me. Things like sitting quite close on the couch when we didn't need to be quite that close etc. But I like David better. This last weekend we watched Pulp Fiction (we being Lianne, Dirk, David Scott, David Hamilton and myself) and we (minus the Tron) went for a short hike to Wairere falls. Even though I haven't got any signs from David I still have a bit of a thing for him and some of that stupid pointless teenage girl hope. I'm trying to stop myself from making up any mini fantasies in my head because otherwise I'll get all worked up over it and when nothing comes of it I'll feel all deflated. But I can't help hping, he's smart, hot, funny, not an ass, loves Green Wing!, and generally very nice.
Venting done, I feel a bit better. I think some of it is because I'd just really like a boy to be interested in me. To know that to someone I'm actually attractive. Although Dirk has said some flattering things to me (in a nice way, he is married). Failing any single boy I know making any advances on me I might just have to earn heaps and fly Darren down here. That'd fix it.
posted by Megan at 5:06 AM

 
I had the weirdest dream last night. But at least I could remember it for a change. So I was in Iraq apparently. My mother was there and Rochelle was there for a part of it and possibly my grandmother too. Maybe even Julie. So it began with me and Julie? walking with some Iraqi soldier people down a road. But there was lots of trees and grass and their was a big drainage ditch we were walking beside, filled with scummy water. Somehow as you do in dreams I knew that the guys we were with were the good guys. They were in the Iraqi Freedom Fighters. That name is so cliched it must have come from some movie or another. Then there was just us (being me and julie/rochelle) and one soldier guy. We went through a fence into a bunch of trees and bushes on the edge of a field. We knew we had to get to a compound at one end of the field but there were bad guys out there somewhere. So the Iraqi guy is holding my hand and I'm holding the other persons. All of a sudden the soldier gets up and runs dragging us along with him. After about 30 seconds of running we stop and crouch down in the grass. I guess so as not to present ourselves as a target to whoever we're hiding from. We do this a few times until we reach the compound. Once we're inside the - flimsy looking - chain-link type fence we stop running and hiding and just walk. We can see some other people on the other side carrying guns. The Iraqi guy says to me don't worry they'll follow us but they won't shoot. They're the guys we're hiding from. So here we are now standing in plain view but they don't shoot at us. In my head I know that this is true and that although these people are on the opposite side there's no 'real' bad feeling betweenn them. It's like being on opposite political parties except more physical. I guess if they'd caught us we'd have been in trouble. And of course they don't even look Iraqi. They're all quite young too. I say to the soldier guy 'They're all tennageers' or something similar. They look American if anything, there's one girl I can remember in particular. She is a bit largeish and has that generic blond hair that hangs down past her shoulder's she's wearing a red t shirt and pants. They wander up near the fence then carry on wandering back into the field.
Next thing we're inside in a room. It's pretty plain. This is where it gets weirder. The Iraqi soldier starts massaging the back of my neck. He's really good too. I think he might have said something along the lines of me being tense.
Then we're in a living room type room and Rochelle is there. She's sitting on a chair and the Iraqi guy and I are sitting on a couch. He puts his arms around me. Then he's kissing me. ANd I know how stupid this sounds but I really liked him. It was like I knew he liked me and he knew I liked him. But Rochelle was still in the room. She put head phones on and just ignored us.
Then I was talking with him asking if he was permanently stationed here or if he got moved around. I think he said he got moved pretty regularly, that was how things were run. Then we were getting ready for dinner, my mother and Grandmother were at a table already with one or two other iraqi people. Somehow I knew we were on a trip of some sort. Like we were going to be taken around parts of Iraq on a tourist type tour of something.
Then I don't know if it was just my wishful thinking but my soldier guy might have said something about being stationed to guide us. Woot. Oh yeah and he kind of looked like Naveen Andrews (surprise surprise) but his face was thinner. It wasn't quite him but similar.
There we go that's it. So I'm now in one of those stupid dream modes where all I can see is this soldier. He looked good in his uniform too. And he made me feel all safe when he had his strong arms around me.
posted by Megan at 2:13 PM

 
Oh big bad words! So I've just been reading up about the church of Latter day Saints, and while they have much in common with Christianity in general there are some issues that don't sit well with me. a) they believe that they are the only true church. God came down and told Joseph Smith in 1820 that none of the current churches of the world were right and that he would bring about the true church. This smacks of arrogance and superiority to me. I don't think the other denominations really try to say they're right. I guess maybe Catholic. But these days people are generally more accepting of other religions. I guess individuals within the LDS church would be on the whole. Maybe.
b) Missionary work. Converting other people. This has never fit into my 'do unto others' principle. You wouldn't like it if Hindu's were knocking on your door telling you all you believe is wrong would you. Let people find their faith themselves.
c) The church is very involving. Education within the church, tithing!, etc. It's good to have involvement in something it just seems a bit all consuming. I guess it might be different in this day and age though.
d) There's a bit that says Joseph Smith spoke against morally bad things like gambling alcohol tea coffee. Okay gambling sure enough, alcohol I can see where that'd come from but tea and coffee?

So what does all of this lead to? Jeremy is a good Mormon. He doesn't drink, he went to church when we were away etc etc and so on and so forth. Therefore there's no chance for me with him. I couldn't be mormon (although they do have a lot of good about them despite what I've said above. Promotion of good morals like being nice to everyone helping people etc is just great!), and I don't think he couldn't.
So where does that leave me on the male front?
Tom - Nope a)he's not interested
b) he's leaving the country soonish
c) when he's drunk he reminds me of dad.
Matt - Maybe. He's annoying at times I'm not sure we have heaps in common. We definitly have a similar sense of humour though. And we get along well. Maybe it's just supposed to be a good friends thing. I'm not sure that I can see anything happening between us.
David - He'd be great if he wasn't with Angela. He's artistic, which is dead sexy, but not so much that I feel completely wooden in comparisson. He's smart, good looking but not perfect (although maybe a little too good looking for me. A bit out of my league). He's quite scientificish too. Computery anyway. Got similar religiuos ideas to me - very similar. Which could be a huge advantaged as evidenced by above.
Jimmy - Nope
Jeremy - Lovely but Mormon. Argh! Funny, nice, good looking smart, has great plans for his life - teaching but now I think about it maybe he'll teach within the church. Do LDS have their own schools? I know Seventh day adventists do- similar interests. Grrr.
Where else can I look? Maybe Lianne knows some guys, maybe David has some friends. maybe I'll meet someone when I get a job. Maybe I'll have no-one until I go overseas.
Great now 'Time after Time' is playing on my mp3 player and I'm getting all mopy and sad. I want someone who'll be there for me when I'm lost, who'll catch me if I fall, I'll look and I will find them. *sigh*
Man I'm a sad bitch sometimes!
posted by Megan at 6:14 PM

 
So I had the greatest weekend in Whangarei. And I don't know if was the talk of relarionship's and marriage in the car on the way back but I've got the ache. You know the one where all you want is someone to hold and have fun with and to understand/support you. That ache that's always there in the background.
I looked at my life recently trying to figure out what possibilities there were available to me of the male persuasion. The lab, aka Tom which is not going to happen. He's not my type. Nice but just not. That leaves Taiko Matt, David and Jeremy. Matt annoys the crap out of me half the time and although we seem to have things in common and I get along with him most of the time I think maybe he'd just be great to have as a friend and joke around with. David, I was warming to him getting to know a bit more about him and liking it. But apparently he's seeing someone just recently. So no go there unless Angela doesn't work out and somehow he becomes interested in me. Then there's Jeremy. So I've had this thing for him basically since I joined the advanced group, and as I get to know him more I like him more. We're quite alike (He's a virgo too), he's funny, he lovely. But then he's mormon. I know Natalie told me that Nat from Auckland's last girlfriend was mormon, so if a mormon girl can date a raging atheistic goth then surely...
I guess it depends on the individual and their family.
So I have not been letting myself get too interested in him, but now I think I slipped off the edge. Now I'm falling for him.
posted by Megan at 2:57 PM

 
My email to Darren:
Hey! So good to hear from you! For the last hellish week I've been thinking I should email Darren! I haven't emailed him for ages. Things are good down here. Sort of. Lab work is hectic, I had to give a presentation on monday to the people in my lab (all PHd students and lecturers). The presentation went well, but I realised how much I still have to do and how many little things I need to know that I don't.
Yes it is spring here and very soon summer. I'm starting to get my tan back now that I've just lost it. I know I hear you laughing, I'm not exactly the poster child for sun-browned skin. Anyway the weather has really changed my mood recently. I think it was something to do with coming into the middle of winter and all of a sudden having no vitamin D production. Anyway now I just go for a walk or bike ride when I get stressed, it helps to be able to get outside. I just keep thinking to myself I just have to get through the next 4 months then I'll be fine. Then I have to get a job. Can you guess what my dream job right now is? I don't think so. The answer, a lawnmowing person. Crazy huh? But with the weather at the moment it would be lovely outside all day it's good work. Not too much thinking involved. More than one person hs pointed out to me that it wouldn't be so nice when it starts to rain, but I don't think I'd mind. I think I just need a break from science right now. I'm considering doing a teaching English as a second language course, and maybe going to Japan this coming year. Maybe not. If you stay and work in NZ they wipe the interest off your student loan so maybe I should work here for a year or so.
I've really been getting into my Japanese drumming recently. It's all good though, we've got gigs coming out of our ears. We have this coming weekend free, then we're basically booked until Christmas. It's the only social interaction I get outside of the lab (other than Julie, Tilly and I geting together, watching Sex and the City and cursing about men. Which I don't think counts.).
If I know anyone who could flirt with someone who doesn't speak the same language it would be you.I saw those photos in that album you sent me a link to. Some incriminating pictures there huh. So you were teaching that girl how to dance? The salsa was it? Sounds familiar. At least you seem to have been having fun, even if you are freezing your bits off ^_^ Some of the pictures from your labs, I think they were, looked interesting. How are the classes going? Are they as good as you hoped? How's the shadowing of the paediatrician (I'm sure that's what you said). And do you seriously have to watch out for racist skinheads? That can't be fun.
I saw something recently about Russia where people are drinking themselves to death because vodka is so cheap. Have you been drinking much over there? Do they have Cruzan rum? I'm still on the look out for it over here. Although at my sister's 21st one of her friends have a bottle of homemade coconut rum, I thought it was pretty good. Although I might not have thouhgt that had I not had quite as much vodka earlier that evening.
I'll tell you, you're not the only one still holding onto Lewes, to calm you. Sometimes I wonder what happened to the person that went to New York and Trenton. It's funny, sometimes I'll be in the lab pouring a gel or something and all of a sudden I'll remember something like the wind in Cape May that night, and how cold it was, and watching the sun rise. Or even just going to the Superfresh or something stupid like that. Then I'll stand there in the lab giggling to myself. Not too long until you're finished though. Are you looking forward to getting back to the states? Decided what you're going to do about your last semester? You still going to do the Phys Ed paper? If I were you I'd head somewhere nice and warm though. I'm feeling cool just sitting here thinking about you in Russia.
As for that bar tab, well we haven't been to the quiz for a couple of months now, because Tilly figured out that her flatmates Kiri and Steve were respectivly, a psycho and a racist South African. But we've been getting together and drinking decent amounts of wine instead.
Anyway I'm sitting here in the lab procrastinating. Tsk tsk. I took my stuff over to sequencing earlier and the only other thing for me to do is statistics. And it's friday afternoon. Stats on friday. Huh! ^_^
I hope the rest of your time in the motherland goes swimmingly ^_^
posted by Megan at 5:44 PM

 
Almost 2 months since my last post here. What can I say about that time. Not much I spent most of it watching tv lying in bed using anemia as an excuse not to work. Well that turned around and bit me on the arse. And rightly so. I don't know what happened to me. As best I can guess I burnt out. My head wasn't in a very good state, I don't know exactly why. Sometimes I just couldn't get up. I'd sit in bed and think 'I should go into the lab today, or at least try to do some writing or reading or something.' And I wouldn't be able to move I'd just sit there for a couple of minutes until my eye landed on the tv and I"d think, 'I just need to watch a couple of minutes of tv to relax then I'll be fine.' A couple of hours later.. I kept justifying it by saying 'It's almost lunch I should eat something then go in.' 1 would pass, then 2 etc.
Anyway, being that this blog is supposed to be a accurate portrayl of what happens in my life, (I guess that's why I've left all that stuff with Matt and Goerge in instead of deleting it and running away from this that give me bad feelings) I'm going to tell what's happened this week.
Craig gave me a good talking to on Tuesday about how useless I've been. He was right though, at least recently, I hadn't been going in I hadn't been giving him what he asked for. I havdn't got much done since I got back. On the other hand he wasn't doing it to put me down. He said a couple of times that it wasn't a reflection on me as a person. Just my work ethic. So he said he wanted a report on my project up to now by friday. Tomorrow.
So I've been feeling like crap for the last few days and working to get this done. Not so easy. I've got a lot of data organising to go. But I'll get there. I've also got a lot of reading.
And tonight It's just got too much. I used to be able to cope with more stress than this. I'm sitting here and I can't stop crying and I keep missing people. I really want to see Katie and Darren and Diane right now. And Laura and Tilly and Jules. What would I do without those two? And Nana I haven't seen her for 2 1/2 months and then it was only very briefly between me getting back and her leaving. And the boys, Mark, Matt and Todd. I even keep seeing people that I think are Ivan. And Cloud, I keep thinking about Cloud and wanting to give him a hug. I guess because whenever I used to get stressed I would go to him and everything would seem to melt away. We'd talk about whatever and I'd feel better. And Ajay, I haven't seen him for ages the last 3 times I've gone to BK hoping to see him he hasn't been there. I hope he's still around.
Anyway I kind of decided to write this all down to get it out of my system so I could write this report bit. I think It's worked.
posted by Megan at 2:12 AM