A Chris-in-the-morning inspired blog. Somewhere I can hypothesis on human nature and narrate my own journey of self discovery. That sounds so cheesy! Basically somewhere that I can just spill out the contents of my head.

 
I had the weirdest dream last night. But at least I could remember it for a change. So I was in Iraq apparently. My mother was there and Rochelle was there for a part of it and possibly my grandmother too. Maybe even Julie. So it began with me and Julie? walking with some Iraqi soldier people down a road. But there was lots of trees and grass and their was a big drainage ditch we were walking beside, filled with scummy water. Somehow as you do in dreams I knew that the guys we were with were the good guys. They were in the Iraqi Freedom Fighters. That name is so cliched it must have come from some movie or another. Then there was just us (being me and julie/rochelle) and one soldier guy. We went through a fence into a bunch of trees and bushes on the edge of a field. We knew we had to get to a compound at one end of the field but there were bad guys out there somewhere. So the Iraqi guy is holding my hand and I'm holding the other persons. All of a sudden the soldier gets up and runs dragging us along with him. After about 30 seconds of running we stop and crouch down in the grass. I guess so as not to present ourselves as a target to whoever we're hiding from. We do this a few times until we reach the compound. Once we're inside the - flimsy looking - chain-link type fence we stop running and hiding and just walk. We can see some other people on the other side carrying guns. The Iraqi guy says to me don't worry they'll follow us but they won't shoot. They're the guys we're hiding from. So here we are now standing in plain view but they don't shoot at us. In my head I know that this is true and that although these people are on the opposite side there's no 'real' bad feeling betweenn them. It's like being on opposite political parties except more physical. I guess if they'd caught us we'd have been in trouble. And of course they don't even look Iraqi. They're all quite young too. I say to the soldier guy 'They're all tennageers' or something similar. They look American if anything, there's one girl I can remember in particular. She is a bit largeish and has that generic blond hair that hangs down past her shoulder's she's wearing a red t shirt and pants. They wander up near the fence then carry on wandering back into the field.
Next thing we're inside in a room. It's pretty plain. This is where it gets weirder. The Iraqi soldier starts massaging the back of my neck. He's really good too. I think he might have said something along the lines of me being tense.
Then we're in a living room type room and Rochelle is there. She's sitting on a chair and the Iraqi guy and I are sitting on a couch. He puts his arms around me. Then he's kissing me. ANd I know how stupid this sounds but I really liked him. It was like I knew he liked me and he knew I liked him. But Rochelle was still in the room. She put head phones on and just ignored us.
Then I was talking with him asking if he was permanently stationed here or if he got moved around. I think he said he got moved pretty regularly, that was how things were run. Then we were getting ready for dinner, my mother and Grandmother were at a table already with one or two other iraqi people. Somehow I knew we were on a trip of some sort. Like we were going to be taken around parts of Iraq on a tourist type tour of something.
Then I don't know if it was just my wishful thinking but my soldier guy might have said something about being stationed to guide us. Woot. Oh yeah and he kind of looked like Naveen Andrews (surprise surprise) but his face was thinner. It wasn't quite him but similar.
There we go that's it. So I'm now in one of those stupid dream modes where all I can see is this soldier. He looked good in his uniform too. And he made me feel all safe when he had his strong arms around me.
posted by Megan at 2:13 PM

 
Oh big bad words! So I've just been reading up about the church of Latter day Saints, and while they have much in common with Christianity in general there are some issues that don't sit well with me. a) they believe that they are the only true church. God came down and told Joseph Smith in 1820 that none of the current churches of the world were right and that he would bring about the true church. This smacks of arrogance and superiority to me. I don't think the other denominations really try to say they're right. I guess maybe Catholic. But these days people are generally more accepting of other religions. I guess individuals within the LDS church would be on the whole. Maybe.
b) Missionary work. Converting other people. This has never fit into my 'do unto others' principle. You wouldn't like it if Hindu's were knocking on your door telling you all you believe is wrong would you. Let people find their faith themselves.
c) The church is very involving. Education within the church, tithing!, etc. It's good to have involvement in something it just seems a bit all consuming. I guess it might be different in this day and age though.
d) There's a bit that says Joseph Smith spoke against morally bad things like gambling alcohol tea coffee. Okay gambling sure enough, alcohol I can see where that'd come from but tea and coffee?

So what does all of this lead to? Jeremy is a good Mormon. He doesn't drink, he went to church when we were away etc etc and so on and so forth. Therefore there's no chance for me with him. I couldn't be mormon (although they do have a lot of good about them despite what I've said above. Promotion of good morals like being nice to everyone helping people etc is just great!), and I don't think he couldn't.
So where does that leave me on the male front?
Tom - Nope a)he's not interested
b) he's leaving the country soonish
c) when he's drunk he reminds me of dad.
Matt - Maybe. He's annoying at times I'm not sure we have heaps in common. We definitly have a similar sense of humour though. And we get along well. Maybe it's just supposed to be a good friends thing. I'm not sure that I can see anything happening between us.
David - He'd be great if he wasn't with Angela. He's artistic, which is dead sexy, but not so much that I feel completely wooden in comparisson. He's smart, good looking but not perfect (although maybe a little too good looking for me. A bit out of my league). He's quite scientificish too. Computery anyway. Got similar religiuos ideas to me - very similar. Which could be a huge advantaged as evidenced by above.
Jimmy - Nope
Jeremy - Lovely but Mormon. Argh! Funny, nice, good looking smart, has great plans for his life - teaching but now I think about it maybe he'll teach within the church. Do LDS have their own schools? I know Seventh day adventists do- similar interests. Grrr.
Where else can I look? Maybe Lianne knows some guys, maybe David has some friends. maybe I'll meet someone when I get a job. Maybe I'll have no-one until I go overseas.
Great now 'Time after Time' is playing on my mp3 player and I'm getting all mopy and sad. I want someone who'll be there for me when I'm lost, who'll catch me if I fall, I'll look and I will find them. *sigh*
Man I'm a sad bitch sometimes!
posted by Megan at 6:14 PM

 
So I had the greatest weekend in Whangarei. And I don't know if was the talk of relarionship's and marriage in the car on the way back but I've got the ache. You know the one where all you want is someone to hold and have fun with and to understand/support you. That ache that's always there in the background.
I looked at my life recently trying to figure out what possibilities there were available to me of the male persuasion. The lab, aka Tom which is not going to happen. He's not my type. Nice but just not. That leaves Taiko Matt, David and Jeremy. Matt annoys the crap out of me half the time and although we seem to have things in common and I get along with him most of the time I think maybe he'd just be great to have as a friend and joke around with. David, I was warming to him getting to know a bit more about him and liking it. But apparently he's seeing someone just recently. So no go there unless Angela doesn't work out and somehow he becomes interested in me. Then there's Jeremy. So I've had this thing for him basically since I joined the advanced group, and as I get to know him more I like him more. We're quite alike (He's a virgo too), he's funny, he lovely. But then he's mormon. I know Natalie told me that Nat from Auckland's last girlfriend was mormon, so if a mormon girl can date a raging atheistic goth then surely...
I guess it depends on the individual and their family.
So I have not been letting myself get too interested in him, but now I think I slipped off the edge. Now I'm falling for him.
posted by Megan at 2:57 PM

 
My email to Darren:
Hey! So good to hear from you! For the last hellish week I've been thinking I should email Darren! I haven't emailed him for ages. Things are good down here. Sort of. Lab work is hectic, I had to give a presentation on monday to the people in my lab (all PHd students and lecturers). The presentation went well, but I realised how much I still have to do and how many little things I need to know that I don't.
Yes it is spring here and very soon summer. I'm starting to get my tan back now that I've just lost it. I know I hear you laughing, I'm not exactly the poster child for sun-browned skin. Anyway the weather has really changed my mood recently. I think it was something to do with coming into the middle of winter and all of a sudden having no vitamin D production. Anyway now I just go for a walk or bike ride when I get stressed, it helps to be able to get outside. I just keep thinking to myself I just have to get through the next 4 months then I'll be fine. Then I have to get a job. Can you guess what my dream job right now is? I don't think so. The answer, a lawnmowing person. Crazy huh? But with the weather at the moment it would be lovely outside all day it's good work. Not too much thinking involved. More than one person hs pointed out to me that it wouldn't be so nice when it starts to rain, but I don't think I'd mind. I think I just need a break from science right now. I'm considering doing a teaching English as a second language course, and maybe going to Japan this coming year. Maybe not. If you stay and work in NZ they wipe the interest off your student loan so maybe I should work here for a year or so.
I've really been getting into my Japanese drumming recently. It's all good though, we've got gigs coming out of our ears. We have this coming weekend free, then we're basically booked until Christmas. It's the only social interaction I get outside of the lab (other than Julie, Tilly and I geting together, watching Sex and the City and cursing about men. Which I don't think counts.).
If I know anyone who could flirt with someone who doesn't speak the same language it would be you.I saw those photos in that album you sent me a link to. Some incriminating pictures there huh. So you were teaching that girl how to dance? The salsa was it? Sounds familiar. At least you seem to have been having fun, even if you are freezing your bits off ^_^ Some of the pictures from your labs, I think they were, looked interesting. How are the classes going? Are they as good as you hoped? How's the shadowing of the paediatrician (I'm sure that's what you said). And do you seriously have to watch out for racist skinheads? That can't be fun.
I saw something recently about Russia where people are drinking themselves to death because vodka is so cheap. Have you been drinking much over there? Do they have Cruzan rum? I'm still on the look out for it over here. Although at my sister's 21st one of her friends have a bottle of homemade coconut rum, I thought it was pretty good. Although I might not have thouhgt that had I not had quite as much vodka earlier that evening.
I'll tell you, you're not the only one still holding onto Lewes, to calm you. Sometimes I wonder what happened to the person that went to New York and Trenton. It's funny, sometimes I'll be in the lab pouring a gel or something and all of a sudden I'll remember something like the wind in Cape May that night, and how cold it was, and watching the sun rise. Or even just going to the Superfresh or something stupid like that. Then I'll stand there in the lab giggling to myself. Not too long until you're finished though. Are you looking forward to getting back to the states? Decided what you're going to do about your last semester? You still going to do the Phys Ed paper? If I were you I'd head somewhere nice and warm though. I'm feeling cool just sitting here thinking about you in Russia.
As for that bar tab, well we haven't been to the quiz for a couple of months now, because Tilly figured out that her flatmates Kiri and Steve were respectivly, a psycho and a racist South African. But we've been getting together and drinking decent amounts of wine instead.
Anyway I'm sitting here in the lab procrastinating. Tsk tsk. I took my stuff over to sequencing earlier and the only other thing for me to do is statistics. And it's friday afternoon. Stats on friday. Huh! ^_^
I hope the rest of your time in the motherland goes swimmingly ^_^
posted by Megan at 5:44 PM

 
Almost 2 months since my last post here. What can I say about that time. Not much I spent most of it watching tv lying in bed using anemia as an excuse not to work. Well that turned around and bit me on the arse. And rightly so. I don't know what happened to me. As best I can guess I burnt out. My head wasn't in a very good state, I don't know exactly why. Sometimes I just couldn't get up. I'd sit in bed and think 'I should go into the lab today, or at least try to do some writing or reading or something.' And I wouldn't be able to move I'd just sit there for a couple of minutes until my eye landed on the tv and I"d think, 'I just need to watch a couple of minutes of tv to relax then I'll be fine.' A couple of hours later.. I kept justifying it by saying 'It's almost lunch I should eat something then go in.' 1 would pass, then 2 etc.
Anyway, being that this blog is supposed to be a accurate portrayl of what happens in my life, (I guess that's why I've left all that stuff with Matt and Goerge in instead of deleting it and running away from this that give me bad feelings) I'm going to tell what's happened this week.
Craig gave me a good talking to on Tuesday about how useless I've been. He was right though, at least recently, I hadn't been going in I hadn't been giving him what he asked for. I havdn't got much done since I got back. On the other hand he wasn't doing it to put me down. He said a couple of times that it wasn't a reflection on me as a person. Just my work ethic. So he said he wanted a report on my project up to now by friday. Tomorrow.
So I've been feeling like crap for the last few days and working to get this done. Not so easy. I've got a lot of data organising to go. But I'll get there. I've also got a lot of reading.
And tonight It's just got too much. I used to be able to cope with more stress than this. I'm sitting here and I can't stop crying and I keep missing people. I really want to see Katie and Darren and Diane right now. And Laura and Tilly and Jules. What would I do without those two? And Nana I haven't seen her for 2 1/2 months and then it was only very briefly between me getting back and her leaving. And the boys, Mark, Matt and Todd. I even keep seeing people that I think are Ivan. And Cloud, I keep thinking about Cloud and wanting to give him a hug. I guess because whenever I used to get stressed I would go to him and everything would seem to melt away. We'd talk about whatever and I'd feel better. And Ajay, I haven't seen him for ages the last 3 times I've gone to BK hoping to see him he hasn't been there. I hope he's still around.
Anyway I kind of decided to write this all down to get it out of my system so I could write this report bit. I think It's worked.
posted by Megan at 2:12 AM

 
Well this fish is back in it's natural habitat. Problem is, whilst living in a different environment this fish adapted somewhat. And now it's got to figure out how it fits into it's old environment.
Don't get me wrong it's great to be back, and great to feel wanted. It's just a little weird trying to figure out how I fit into my own world again, because things aren't the same.
I've got a whole other school out there that I belong too as well as my home school. And even though my new school is splitting up, already is - I miss you so much my Maryland fish- there's no way I'm gonna let them disappear from my life. I don't care what cold corner of the world they go to - my adventurous Lincoln fish- they're not gonna get rid of me that easy. I'm going to go back and visit them, all of them. My Maine fishes, my fiery Live free or die fish, my sweet sweet Georgian fish, my crazy Colarado fish, my mischevious William and Mary fish, my pure hearted tropical Puerto Rican fish, my hard working Indiana fish, my spunky Montana fish, my wonderful New York fish and my hip Brooklyn fish.
Big hugs to you ALL!
posted by Megan at 4:35 AM

 
Well here I am in America. I didn't realise I hadn't posted anything in here since I arrived. It's aonly a few weeks until I leave now.
It was about time I decided that I begin writing about something that has been happening to me over here.
His name is Darren and he's from Trinidad. So when we first met I pretty much instantly liked him. Just in the sense that we got on well (I think it's something to do with a) not being American and b) coming from British type coutries. Not just the sports but the way of thinking too.). It helped that I also thought he was dead sexy. Ove rthe first week or so after he arrived we hung out together quite a bit. That was probably helped by the fact there were only 7 people in the house at that point. Myself, Katie, Mike, Diane, Laura, Ron and Darren. But even when more people moved in I found myself seeking him out when I wanted to hang out with someone. I was quite flattered when I noticed he was seeking me out too. I felt that we were becoming quite close. I also found myself thinking that it's a bit of a shame I'd already got Julien otherwise I'd be tempted to have my fling with Darren.
There is one conversation in particular I remember not long after we met. Somehow, I can't remember how, we were talking about our types. As in I go for geeky guys, he apparently goes for fit girls. Not thin but sportyish. At this point I put any thoughts of a fling out of my head. If he's telling me what his type is (obviuosly not me) then we've got a really good friendship going on. And just like with the Matt thing I'm quite happy to keep it friends because I eally like having this guy around.
Then we were supposed to be having a pirate party but we found out that the grad students at CMS here were having a bring an intern party on the same night and of course just about everyone else in the house are the interns that were being brought. So we all ended up at the grad student housing for the party. There was rum and a bit of tequila and everyone basically ended up getting pretty tipsy. Towards the end Darren and I were satnding together and we each had an arm around the others' waist. It was sort of a lets keep each other upright thing, but it was also a bit affectionate. It was really nice. I've never had a guy be affectionate to me like that in public.
Then there was another party about 2 1/2 weeks ago (about the middle of June) and everyone got a little drunk again. At some point during the early morning Darren grabbed me by the hand and proclaimed that he was going to bed and that he was going to sleep in my bed. So I giggled and followed. we lay down on my bed together and chatted and giggled for about half an hour. Then Katie came up to bed, turned the light off and went to sleep. So there we are lying in the dark with Katie asleep across the room.
Then he kissed me. And I kissed back, and there was more kissing. And then there was his hand up my shirt and more kissing and then his hand down my pants and more kissing and my hand down his pants and being as I'm the only person who'll read this I know where it went. That was a first for me. Darren stayed until about 7am when he decided to go back to his own bed.
I didn't know where things were going to go from there. The next day I didn't see him much because I went into the labs and had brunch at books by the bay. Things carried on pretty much as they had done before us being friends and chatting etc. Nothing more along those lines happened for the next week and I wondered if he was so drunk he didn't remember. But he wasn't drunk afterwards or the next morning. So I took it as a good sign that we were still talking. The next weekend was Trenton. Darren had offered to come to Trenton with me for the book signing and we slept on the steps of a church together. Not 'slept together' but we slept there because we couldn't find anywhere else. We talked about all kinds of stuff that night, embarrasing stories, ex's etc. Very good bonding.
Then last friday we had our 80s party, Katie had her boyfriend Luke over and Laura had said I could use the spare bed in her room to give Katie and Luke some privacy. I was moving my bedding down to Lauras at about 12:30 (after much card playing beer pong and general merrymaking) and Darren was on the phone upstairs in the hall. He asked what I was doing and I told him. Next time I walked past he said I'm sleeping in Lauras room with you tonight (His roomate Alex had his girlfriend staying.). So I went back downstairs and played more beerpong and eventually went to bed. A while later there was a knock on the door and Darren came in. I made room for him on the bed and he lay down. I turned the light off and pretty much straight away it starts. He was kissing me and I was kissing back. He started pulling off my pants and then his came off too and our tops. Then he asks if he should go get a condom. I said yes.
Why? I know I've got Julien waiting back home. It's not like I think it's going to be ages until I get some. But I really liked Darren, I've been very tempted by him since I met him. Also I guess I wanted to have my fling. Just to do that once in my life, I'm not a fling type person but here in America it's different. Also it'll probably be my only chance to get with a black guy and I wanted to find out if what they said about black guys was true.
I believe it is. One thing I have to say for black guys (provided Darren is an acurate representation of the general black male) is stamina. He just kept going and going and going.
I was actually sore in the morning. But it was fun. I did feel guilty about doing it in Lauras room and now I'm not sure if given the chance I'd sleep with him again or not. I kind of feel guilty about the whole Julien thing. But what happens in America stays in America and I haven't had an email from Julien in about a month. I've sent him 2 in that time. I know that apparently David is trying to set him up with another girl. Maybe he's been sucessful.
I am going to tell Natalie and Mum maybe Julie too. Although I'm not completely sure whe'll want o hear about someone else getting some. I'm also looking forward to showing them his picture 'casue he's hot.
posted by Megan at 8:20 AM

 
Woah! I'm well tipsy at the moment! Another $100 bar tab drunk and we didn't w98in this wek. eobably best. They might not lt us bvack if we won 3 weeks in a row.
And it'd good to build up my alcohoiol tolerance before i go to the staes. My typing is awful and this is after me correcting mistakes. I'm laughhing so hard right noew
I'm goingt to miss people so much.. Tilly and Julie and even Julien. I know that nothing official has happened betwen us.It's basically been conversations between Rpchelle and David but I REALLY like him. Which I don't get. I've never liked a guy this much without really knowing him before. Apparently David says he thiks Julien will wait for me. I REALLY hope he does. I really like him. I've never felt like this abouita guy before.
I'm falling sideways off my chair.
I'm surprise dI can even tupe legibley. Is that even a word. I'm very tipsy. I onl;y had 2 1/2 glasses of wine and one and a half handles of beer.
I'm listening to Dido, Life for Rent, which Julien gave me. I hope he wais for me. Is 2 1/2 months too long for a frenchman to turn down other offers? I',m going to get his emailfrom David tmorrow.
How long has it been since a guy I like, likes me back?
I really can't type so well. 've never written a dary entry drnk before. I'm kipping vowels.
Oops and consonants.
What is wrong with me! Alcohl that's what. I don't wammnt to go. I want to saty and see how things go with JUlien. When I'm not thinking about important stuff I'm thinking about him. He's my nes limerent objet. But I thinkit' more than thsat. He's not just a limerent opbject. I clicked with him. I really did .
I'm going to publish this post now before my pelli g ets NY WORSE. dOMINIC mONAGHAN IS hoT. Oops I hit the caps lock.
posted by Megan at 3:04 AM

 
*sigh*
As usual my blog entries turn to matters of the heart.
I realise now that my passing fancies for Tom, Christophe and even thoughts on David were just that passing fancies. I've been so desperate recently that anything that's male and seems half decent (or maybe a quarter in the case of David) seems to warrant my consideration.
But I have come to realise how foolish I was now that I have met someone genuinely worthy. Well you know what I mean.
Actually I met him first a couple of months ago. We have only met so far in large group situations and have never eally had a chance to chat. I thought he was good looking and seemed nice enough. A little quiet and reserved, but that's usually how I like my guys. Anyway, last saturday we had drinks at our flat here and then went into town. I got to chat with him a little in a group before we went into town. And I'm not sure if I was seeing what I wanted to see or not, but I think there may have been some looks passed between us in the club. When the party came back to ours that morning we got the chance to chat more. There being only a few of us and eventually on 3 of us chatting until 6 in the morning. At some point around 3 I think, something just clicked. Now I know it's a big ol' cliche the whole 'we just clicked' thing. But I swear I just about heard the sound. At one point he wanted to look at my CDs. So I let him but warned him that they weren't a very good selection. So what does he do? Stands there saying 'This one is good. And this artist is pretty good. I have this album' etc etc and so on and so forth. The he was saying that he could give me some CDs because he's got heaps of music. I thought that was really nice and I was flattered that he was paying attention to me.
The next day(or later that day, really) I found I was thinking about him an awful lot. And I was getting a little fluttery too. I haven't felt like that since Cloud. But I also thought 'Yeah right at 4 in the morning he says he'll give me some CDs. Whatever. He'll forget.'
Monday I come back from home, go into the lab and there's a package for me on my desk. Yep CDs. If I'd felt fluttery before I had a cyclone in my stomach now. There was also a note from him, wishing me good fun on my trip, enjoy the music and bring back some sunshine. I thought this was nice but was too afraid to read any further into it. I'm terrible at picking up signs as evidenced by my thing with Matt.
However I showed Rochelle and she pointed out that he'd written the note on the inside of the paper used to wrap the CDs. This suggested it was kind of a private message and that he must like me. I didn't let myself get too worked up over this nuance. Then when I showed Tilly she came to the same conclusion as Rochelle as did Julie. So I got hopeful.
I then charged Rochelle with the task of finding out from David, while I'm away whether or not Julien has a girlfriend. Rochelle came back from Hockey practice last night and knocked on my door.
'He doesn't have a girlfriend.' She says. She'd gone up to the labs after hockey to do some readings and David was there. So she walks up to him and says
'Does Julien have a girlfriend?'
David replies,
'No but he's looking for one. Does Megan have a boyfriend?'
Rochelles response was hmmmm. Somethings going on.
Basically David was impressed with the fact the Julien gave me 12 CDs and figured he must like me. After all he knows his friend. So I was so excited last night it took me quite a while to get to sleep.
This afternoon in the lab David walks past and says to me
'Twelve CDs eh?' Gives me a suggestive look and carries on.
Then this evening we were in the tea room and he does it again. Then Rochelle tells me that he was saying a lot of nice things about me. And that apparently he went and told Julien about the 'Does Julien have a girlfriend' conversation with Rochelle just like she told me when she got back that night. Rochelle also said something to the effect that David thinks Julien would wait for me to get back.
I'm am so buzzing!!
I'm at that wonderful stage where all I can feel is happy when I think of him. Everything I hear about him is good. All about him is wonderful. I hope I get to go through this (and more) when I get back.
I just can't quite believe that someone I like, likes me back! That hasn't happened in such a long time. I almost don't want to go. I almost just want to stay to see how it plays out.
But I suppose this way I get the best of both worlds. I get the trip and hopefully when I get back the guy. Please let me get the guy. Let me get this guy. Please God, I like him so much.
posted by Megan at 3:08 AM

 
May 08, 2005

It's human nature to dream, and to at least try to make those dreams come true here on planet number three. Your chance to turn one of your dreams into a goal, and to tackle that goal with your usual meticulous attention, has now officially arrived -- and if you're dealing with the department of long-distance travel, higher education or spiritual quests, you'll have all the heavenly help you could ever ask for to get the show on the road. Go for it

My extended daily horoscope for today. yay!!
posted by Megan at 7:54 PM

 
So this weekend went pretty well for the most part. It's sunday afternoon and I'm dead tired. Got home from town at 3 on saturday morning. Got home from raglan at 2 this morning. AND there's the Spanish F1 tonight. Thank goodness it's starts at 11 and not 1 or 2 in the morning.
Anyway I was a bit upset yesterday still over the whole 'only romantic prospects going out the window' thing. But I've got over that. A t some point yesterday afternoon while sitting on Raglan beach it just sort of happened. There'll be other guys, better guys. And until then I've got my friends. And I've always gotmy plans for America. Although knowing my luck the only single guys will either be gay or patriotic americans. And my principles will (most likely) not let me have a relationship with anyone who is hugely Americanly patriotic. Although it depends on the guy of course. It was George's birthday 2 days ago. I sent him an ecard and he's seen it but I haven't heard back yet and I'm feeling a liuttle neglected. It's probably nothing. His parents have their 40th wedding anniversary on his birthday so he's probably been hugely busy with doing that and hanging out with family.
When Rochelle and I were sitting on the beach yesterday somehow we got to talking about guys. And of course James and Matt both came up. I know now that I am completely over him. It's quite refreshing but also a bit of a let down. I do miss his friendship. But I still want to know what went wrong. Not so much as I did before though. Maybe in a couple of weeks I just won't care why it didn't all happen. I think I'll do a 'how is everyone?, this is what I'm up to' update email soon. Just before I go. Maybe he'll reply.
That's all I can think of to ramble about. My samples should be finished boiling in a couple of minutes anyway I should get back.
Have a good week. ^_^
posted by Megan at 7:43 PM

 
Well the Chritophe saga is ended before I can even finish chronicling it. Oh well. I think it's better that it's over. I think.
So last night we our dinner, me and Rochelle. I was getting along quite well with both Tom and Christophe. (Better than expected with Tom). So of course being me I thought, 'Oh romantic oppurtunities here'.
In the end it turns out not so. Tom has some problems and drank quite a lot when we in town later. Something to do with an ex I think. I think the drinking might be a kind of regular thing. The real clincher was just how much he reminded me of Dad when he's drunk. So scratch Tom.
Christophe is in love with someone else, someone who apparently doesn't want him. So I can feel for him. I'm just not quite sure yet whether or not the girl he's fallen for is his flatmate Kezia. Who is very good looking, smart and lovely (and German), and who Christophe couldn't take his eyes off all night. But then neither could Alexei and Dan.
I have to admit that if I leaned that way Kezia might just be my type. Something about her is very appealing in a good way. Not just good looking, good natured and smart too. So I can't blame him I guess.
I just feel a little depressed today because all my potential romantic options were blown out of the water.
There is always jeremy, but I haven't seen hi in ages and I don't feel all upset and missing him etc. So I'm not sure there's anything there on my part.
Well I was feeling all upset at always being upstaged by other girls until Tom and Christophe just came into the lab a couple of minutes ago. I was chatting away etc. So I guess I wasn't really THAT set on either of them. At least I've got a couple of friends now. Possible connections to new nice guys. ^_^
Anyway time to leave the labs. off to Raglan later. With Christophe. Irony huh. Meeting up with David there. It'll be nice to be near the beach for a bit. Just got to try not to spend all my money now.
Skrig skrig You've got red on you.
posted by Megan at 5:17 PM

 
So... the Christophe saga. Things began to develop for me when I had a dream about him. Nothing dodgy, you can eb assured. I'm not sure I even remember it properly anymore. But basically I think he was my boyfriend in the dream. No wait. Now I remember. I was not last tuesday night but the one before the 19th April. In my dream I was in a barn (American type), there was straw on the floor and it was supposed to be some sort of pub type place. There were a whole bunch of celebrities doing a photo thing as well. A lot of the celebrities were native American. I saw the guy who played Billy Six-killer on Renegade there. Not sure if Eric Schweig was there though. #sigh#. I think I was there for a special function. Then I was sitting at a bar that ran across the middle of the room, between the crowd and the celebrities. And Christophe sat to my right. The he put his right hand on my right hand which was holding a stein of beer. He was rubbing my hand with his thiumb, in a sort of comforting nice way. And he was sitting very close. I was very nervous. I could feel him right next to me and I knew he wanted me to face him so he could kiss me. But I was so nervous that I couldn't gather up the courage, even though I wanted to. Of course I had nervous flutterings everytime I saw Christophe the next day.
Then I woke up. Anyway then on Wednesday Rochelle convinced me to go to a pub quiz that Tom had invited her to. So I went as well. Thought it might be fun. A couple of rounds into the quiz guess who turns up?
Yep, and guess who he sits next to? Yep on my right. And closely because we had about 10 people around a small table. And he kept leaning over to see what answers we had written down for each question. It's not often my dreams come true and damn me if I didn't take it for a sign. So then I began thinking whether or not Rochelle view of Christophe had been biasing my own opinion of him. And I think it was.
Chapter 3 to follow. In which I talk about Tesha's comments and the next wednesday.
posted by Megan at 1:52 AM

 
As ever I turns to my blog to be that ever trustworthy friend you whisper the name of you current crush to. It seems that the only time I ever remember to update my blog is when I have a romantically themed post to enter.
For a start I decide to find out today, just when George and I started emailing each other. 26th April. Okay so I missed our anniversay. Does that make me a guy? I emailed him tonight anyway. I also told him how weird it is to think of that person, who a year ago called out for some support, someone to listen. How different I am from me then. But I'm not that different. I guess I've just learned that it's not the end of the world if you get burned. And thanks to the support of people like Julie, Tilly, Asha, Erin and of course George, who understood what I was going through, I've come through it. Now I play social sports I go to dinners hosted by people I've only ever said 'Hi' to in the lab (and I learned that they're quite happy to get to know me.), with a flatmate who only moved in a week and a half before. I jouined Taiko and made friends with new people. I'm still geeky, cautious Me, but I've realised maybe I can put my caution away sometimes and things will still turn out alright.
Anyway, romantic theme... Yes there is a new guy I like. Maybe not so new. Here be the story.
So of course when I entered the TRU lab I immediatly surveyed the guys and evaluated each one. Tom: Good looking, nice, good reports from Farina, Lisa and others. David: Very good looking, very into Reggae (which I am not), smokes marajuana (which I don't). Charlie: Good loking, got the asian think going, smart but quite aloof at times. Christophe: Quiet, Pretty good looking, also into Reggae like David maybe not so much, quite charming.
Some of this information was gained at aforementioned dinner which Christophe hosted and Rochelle talked me into going to after she'd been in the lab a week. The reggae stuff for instance and how charming Christophe could be. At the time I thought maybe he liked me a little but was also just friendly. Late I realised he was like that with everyone and he was just beeing a very good host.
In order to cut the story shorter, I will leave out the usual misleading tangential storylines I so like, that usually finish with the twist that would expose the guy I really like, as the one I have lead the audience to believe least likely.
Charlie: Has a girlfriend, turned out to be nice guy but I wouldn't want to date him. Tom: Rochele asked him to a movie. They went, she said she liked him, he said he's not over Ex yet. She said yeah me neither. So he's off the radar (which strangly enough relived me. Maybe I wasn't really interested in him but just felt obliged to be because he scored highest on my criteria. David: Plays flirting games with all the women in the lab, nothing there I don't think I'd want to date him anyway. Not my type of guy. Christophe: Being that I have eliminated all the other guys it falls to Christophe to be my chosen crush.
Okay so he didn't_just_ get the position by default. He really did charm me (intentionally or not) at his dinner. Rochelle thinks he really sleazy. He does have an odd relationship with Amy. A kind of flirty relationship. But I think it's just a friendly thing. Amy is very friendly.
But I have to go now to watch Eastenders. I will try to make sure I come back and tell about the recent developments in the Christophe saga. The dream, the quiz, the looks etc.
posted by Megan at 3:17 AM

 
I'm in one of my weird moods. Quite reminiscent right now. My horoscope said I would be today. It's been a weird day. Many good looking/nice guys. Two cute pizza boys, Jonathan and Tom. I'm finding myself warming to Jonathan. At first there was something about him that annoyed me. It still kind of annoys me that he talks with that slightly whinny kind of childish voice. Petulant it might be called. But he's very smart and appears to be acting more friendly towards me. ANd not just when Farina and/or Lisa is around. I went up looking for them around lunch today and they weren't there but Jonathan was and we had a bit of a chat with Nikky the other woman in their lab. And Tom's just hot. He said Hi when I passed him in Bongo too. I'm not reading anything into it. And then there was sweetness on Regency House Party tonight. I hope they make another season of this show. It's really very good.
I'm currently listening to my 'We Three' playlist, which is composed of songs from when it was me Matt and Mark. As for the Matt thing I think I may have metioned in my last post, that or either I had a conversation with myself about it. Anyway, I feel only occaisionaly a small twinge at some reminder, I seem to have reclaimed the Feelers for my own. But whenever I look in the direction of Te Aroha when I'm travelling home on the bus my heart strings twinge. Of course they also twinge when I think that the Shire was filmed there and that Dom and Billy might have seen the same vistas as my own eyes perceive. But the Matt twinge is one I think will always be with me. And to speak truthfully I wouldn't want to lose it. Although our actual relationship was exceeding short lived, my feelings for him stemmed from happy times together and the felicity of those times will not be lessened by events that have since occured.
Although for all that I'm getting over Matt I _still_ can't allow myself to give him up completely. My heart is still holding onto a handful of what ifs. What if when he comes to uni, he sees you and wants you again. What if it's like Joan and Adam they kissed and it turned to custard but then they got it right.
Well I'm very tired now and I have the confrontation with Saruman and the reunion with the hobbits to read. Ah how dearly do I love Merry.
Night
posted by Megan at 1:41 AM

 
New flatmate shall prove to be interesting I think. She's a bit enthusiastic about the whole cleaning and dishes and organising thing. But then again I suppose I was too when I first went flatting. She'll get bored with it soon enough. Or maybe she won't. She's been looking for a job, says she needs to be working to keep busy. And she joined the gym. But we get along alright. I guess I'm just feeling a little unsettled at the moment. I must go write a long email to George. I feel I've been neglecting him a bit recently. Will do.

posted by Megan at 6:31 PM